It will be because you moved on with your own life instead of letting them, as my friend Mich says, eat up your good years. They finally ‘see’ your value because you went about your merry way even though it hurt like crazy. If they are ever going to see your value, it won’t be because you stuck to their side like glue and told them how much you loved them no matter how badly they treated you. When you try to pursue a relationship with people that don’t want you, this is what you’re doing.Īny person who does not see the value in you is not worth knowing or pursuing. I have often mentioned about ramming your love down someone’s throat. But…you can’t make someone love you and, actually, you shouldn’t have to. Sometimes we want to keep the rose-tinted glasses on. We want to see shades of grey where there is hard-edged black and white, and gold where there is rusty, jacked-up copper. We’ve been socialised to ‘see the best’ and ‘potential’ in others, and to believe it’s our job to ‘fix’ and ‘convince’ people, especially men, into relationships. The reality, though, is that many women don’t want to see things for what they are. I know this, and deep down, you know this. These breakup scenarios are major signs that all is not well. And it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with me. Still, if they don’t want to be with me, for whatever reason, I’m going to take every ounce of strength and dignity that I have left and tell them to take a run and jump because something must be wrong if this is happening. Hell, I know I’m crazy about this person and the sex is off the chains, and I think they’re my soulmate and blah, blah, blah. To do so is like trying to flog a dead horse and breathe life into the carcass.

Neither of these breakup scenarios warrants continuing. Then they can say that they were ‘trying’ without being honest with themselves about the passive-aggression. Sometimes they want to come out smelling like roses no matter how badly they behave, so they put it on you. It means that they’re dropping hints so that you will do the heavy lifting of the breakup. The fact, though, that they stay but don’t work at the relationship or their words consistently contradict their actions, doesn’t mean there is a potential or that they’re working at it. You’re trying to realise the potential that you misguidedly still think exists. In this scenario, you’re still in the relationship trying to sell the idea of you and them together. Some people behave badly and treat you like shit so that you end the relationship instead. When you’re not in agreement on the breakup or see it as a sign of your failure, you’re likely to attempt to get them to work at things.īut not everyone comes out straight and says that they want to break up. Hell, even if you feel similarly, you still might regard their declaration as a sign that they’ve failed to see the value of you or the potential in the relationship. When someone straight-up tells you that the relationship isn’t working and that they don’t want to continue, it can feel wounding if you don’t share their view and are caught off guard.

He wants to take a break